Tale of a desperaux

Today's a LOT for me. And when I say a lot, I mean it.

I was up until 3AM failing to remember that I have to wake up early for the day. Thank God, I told my lolo about my appointment and my alarm's set to 8AM. Still not feeling good, I decided to sleep again. I got up around 10 and took a bath, prontohhh! Had lunch and left our house.

Guess what?
What?

I had a shoot today. :) It's a part of my test shots. Since I am a model wannabe and really headstrong about it, I convinced Mom to support me on this. Courtesy of our very nice neighbors, Kuya Rixon and Cherry Molera, the shoot has been put into life. There are 4 parts of the shoot -- the first one was conducted at their house and the remaining three at a studio across our village. It was definitely low profile. Duh, we're just starting over. This weekend, if I won't be attending my cousin's graduation at AA, I might have another concept shoot. You wouldn't believe who would do the shots for me -- mom! Tadaaaa! We're still not sure since our camera's only a powershot, low tech. :|

What I'm really excited for is the shoot with Pia (another Pia, definitely) at UST or RedImages. But I'd prolly end up at UST 'cos I want no more of studio pictures. Another fun thing to do. April First, see you. :)

By the way, this isn't a new leap in my life. I am not YET a full pledged model. Taking one step at a time. :) And as a matter of fact, the pictures are for my birthday. More of a gift for myself. How wicked, right?

Okay. I have to sleep early because I'd still get the pictures from Kuya R tomorrow. Goodnight.!

When and how will you die?

Since I am bored as hell, I just decided to answer these stupid quizzes from Facebook. I should be playing PetSociety but it seems like it'll take me forever until I could enter their world. Jaja took this "When Will You Die" quiz. Being gayagaya, I took the quiz as well. And guess what?

I have 66 more years to do what I want to do. Like to bunjee jump (whatever the spelling is), to be able to hold a body organ (bare hands!!), to earn millions of moolah, to fly a plane, kick someone's ____ (they say it feels so good), and to find my long lost prince. How cheesy did I sound with the last part? I know, ew.

Taking the quiz made me wonder how will I die? Better yet, how do I want to die?

As you all know, I'm a masochist. I gain pleasure from getting hurt. For that matter, I can say I am more of a martyr. BUT despite the fact that I enjoy pain, I still want my death to be easy. Something that I won't suffer for. It's like "patay kung patay". We have a history of heart attack, diabetes, and cancer. I wonder, will I die because of these diseases? If I could ask one wish from God, it's to skip the torture part - I can tolerate it no more. Therefore, my ideal death would be being shot by a gun on my heart (Wow, ang emo). My heart have suffered enough, I believe it'll be able to bear physical pain as well (Ang emo ulit). Kidding aside, that's what I really want. As in pag nabaril, patay talaga. So I won't be able to feel the pain anymore. What's the point of making my last days on earth a living hell if in the end, I'll go to heaven? I think I made sense.

For my burial, I'm thinking between the normal rites or the cremation type. Still haven't made my decision. At least there's a topic for my next blog. Bye! :)

I live in Broke Mountain

Here's to the best stalker. I tracked the new journal of my classmate slash "friend". Kudowwws! :)

Anyway, this day's pretty much of a bummer. Got up around 2PM 'cos I was talking to my friend last night (or morning in my case) until 3AM. First thing I did is to take a bath - who would've thought? Hygiene & I knows how to work it this time. And besides, I'm on my way to that heatstroke part. I played Sims since L4D's messed up until this weekend. Out with the old, in with the new. Knowing me? I have to be up to date with these things, pronto! Since Sims bores me out already, I just decided to fix my Blogspot layout and turn it into a wild animal.

I have been online for 8 hours now.. I made edits, how productive. I need to do something worth doing (?) this summer. Like dance lessons or acting workshops. Maybe I should just get a job. Hello.. I need money. $$$$$$

The thought of bankruptcy disturbs me. I need to grieve, so goodnight.

State of real happiness

Life is a learning process. In this process, we learn how to care, to love, to give more than what we can, to get hurt, to be unselfish and to sacrifice. We learn that regardless of the good things we have done, some of it are just not enough. We may have given what other people need (and want), but we can't latch on to what we ought to get hold of. The thought of it convinced me that in a way, this process is unfair; that life is unfair; and that God is unfair. Then suddenly, a lightning hit me and I realized I was wrong. No matter how many times we stumble and fall, we should neither put God to question nor lay our downfalls into other people's doors. Whatever those failures are, no matter how big or small.. Are not under anybody's responsibility. We are the only one under obligation with whatever that has turned out of our life. We have misfortunes, we have imperfections but it's never really unfair. 8 or 9 billion people in this world, just like me, thinks/thought that life is/was not just. But just a thought, God can never make our lives perfect, He can never give us what we want because if we have all we've ever asked for, we won't experience the pain of not having it. Then, we won't ever learn. It's not more of being unjust, it's more of being fair to everyone else by giving us a chance to learn and a space to get better.

In our life, we smash into different kinds of people. People that'll give us snickers, joy, happiness and sometimes unlucky -- we deal with people who will give us miseries. Each and everyone has a purpose. Some brings us pain for us to fall, to get hurt, to cry and be lonely. Regardless of the bad things it can cause us, pain still has a good purpose deep down within. It helps us to smoke out virtues, gives us a chance to get to know ourselves more and makes us strong until we master the art of letting go. But in the face of all troubles, there are still people who will keep on putting smile to our faces, who will keep on lighting up our days, and people who will do their best to let the sun shine after the rain. They are God's tools of letting us find the key to happiness. It comes in many forms - in the feeling you get when you get high grades in your quizzes, when you look so good getting all dolled up, when you've found a way of earning $$$, when you get to have someone else's iTouch for a day, when you drink Taro Ice; in the promise of hope renewed, and in the company of good friends.

It's never true that life ends where heartaches begin. Though we may have lost important things or people in our lives, something or someone so much better will be brought upon our hands. Yes, pain have become a huge part of our lives. We expect it to always be there because we can hardly remember a time in our life when it wasn't. But then one day, despite all the wounds and despite being broken, we will feel something else. Something that feels wrong but really is right. Something that is unexpected, unfamiliar, unusual. We realize we're back on track, we're whole again, we're flying high and feels like walking on air, amidst all the imperfections we find no reason to complain, we can laugh like we never even cried, we feel thrilled plus sunny plus sparkling and at this point, we feel contentment. We knew that feeling, it was just taken away. But then, at that certain moment, we would look at ourselves and smile realizing we're happy. We're really happy :)

First of summer

I should be off to UST to fix my Math101 dilemmas. But then, I realized I'd be wasting a lot of money if my proffesor's not there anyway. INANG NOBLE NYAN, NAGING TEACHER PA. Mom didn't give me money last Saturday so it was an all expense paid trip to UST by me!!! I hate the feeling. Parang tinapon ko yung 350, dapat nanay ko nagtatapon nun eh. Feeling Japanese so we had Tokyo Tokyo for lunch. Right now, I am suffering from LBM, blame the Pork Tonkatsu. I had a PR marathon and just watched movies on my iPod all day. P.S. I love you was great, it's the shit. In fairness, though I hate KC Concepcion, I watched FOR THE FIRST TIME. I fell asleep on our couch only to realize three hours later that I haven't taken a bath yet. So obviously, I took a bath. Duh

My first day wasn't really that "fun" as how I expect it. There are still more summer days to come anyway.
Hello, summer. Here I come to conquerrrrrr! ;)

I am just really, really scared

What if I'd fail again? I always thought Chemistry would be easy and enjoyable for me. If we could just perform experiments and analyze solutions WITHOUT MATHEMATICS. To tell you honestly, I screwed our finals.. BIGTIME. Mom said that if I'd fail another subject be it the easiest or the toughest one, she'd force me to stop studying. Yeah, as if she have the guts to that. HAHA. But honestly, I still don't want to disappoint her. Being the only heiress? No way! I tried my best, hope my efforts will lead me to something better.

I'm still trying. TWO MAJORS TOMORROW! What an emotional blog.

Day two of Lois Lane's adventures

Lois woke up early & went to school with the hopes of seeing this Superperson again. Instead of running into her new inspiration, a familiar body built unexpectedly flashed right before her eyes.. Ahh, let's now welcome THE HULK + MISTER INCREDIBLE + SUPER B. She pretended not to notice but was actually almost dying 'cos the butterflies in her stomach are moving in a rapid motion. In the spur of the moment, the big guy uttered the opening remarks of the conversation.. "Sinong hinihintay mo?" And there began a pillow talk. Lois wasn't really a fan of little chats, she's more of a night long phone call type. In her mind, she knows she had to cut it.. ASAP.

Everything was doing great until Miss Lane did something wrong, what a dope.

Isn't it amazing how our mind works?

One random Thursday morning, Lois Lane was standing in front of the main building when suddenly, a walloping amount of light spakled. There standing, a superhero in his not so eye catching outfit (College of Science uniform, that is). She told herself, "BEHOLD.. I HAVE FOUND MY NEW INSPIRATION." In the middle of watching him shine, a supermassive black hole called Main Building summoned him. For a fact, she didn't followed that superperson; she just watched how that stupid hole take all her dreams away. Luckily, she bumped into her first UST friend and saw him talking to her new found Spiderman. She asked that friend which land is he from -- ahh, Biolandia. She wondered, "How come I always get mousetrapped to these future Biologists?" (If you know her story, you'd definitely get it). When it was about to reach the "climax", her POTBELLIED companion reminded that they must go back to Chemlandia already. She had to say goodbye; in her last few words she said..

"Until I see you again.. My kryptonite."